In the beginning of a relationship we are all sweet and as behaved as a kid meeting the president at a school function but as we get comfortable, we stop thinking about our words before blurting them out and are conveniently saying whatever crosses our lips.
Apologizing for saying hurtful things works, but there are certain things they might never forget even if they forgive. These are the ten possible phrases that can badly damage your relationship that you need to be careful about.
1.You Never Used To Do That:
Being in a relationship and expecting the person you are in the relationship with to stay the exactly the same as when you met them is a foolish expectation. People change and grow over time and not being okay with it is abnormal.
If he or she grows a new habit or a new interest that they did not have before, all you should do is support them instead of asking them in a demeaning way about why they took the habit.
2.You Always Do That:
There are ups and downs in a relationship and we often do not get what we want from our partners. It is completely healthy to confront them about their shortcomings or any other problem but doing so by making them feel bad about themselves using harsh words might not help.
Try being more inclined towards discussing the problem instead of constantly telling them that it has all happened because of them.
3.I’m Sorry, Repeat Yourself:
The habit of always multitasking when your S.O. is trying to talk is dangerous. You think you can check your Facebook while he or she is telling you about their day but you really cannot. It is important you listen to them because if you don’t, it will lead them to believe that their sharing does not mean anything to you and that belief can harm the relationship.
4.Don’t Be So Sensitive:
When they are angry or upset, telling them to calm down’ or not be irrational’ is like telling a black man to stop being a black man.
People feel that their anger is justified when they are angry and are not able to look at the other side of the picture. So trying to calm your partner down by only attacking them won’t help. Try to understand their situation and make them feel you understood.
Telling them you don’t want to have sex tonight because the big chicken burger is still floating around is okay but rude and unexplained rejection can be brutally damaging. There is, really, no point of being in a relationship if there is no sex; you can just find yourself a friend who you can go to dinner with and share a room etc. So try to keep it active and fun.
6.I Told You:
Nobody likes to be told they are dumb again and again. Even if you are right most of the times and they happen to make stupid mistakes, try not to brag about it. Try letting some chances go and take some other path to advise them to put thoughts into their actions instead of telling them straightaway that they are dumb and you know better. Resentment can grow this way and the level of understanding may decrease.
7.Are You Telling The Truth?
Bluntly asking your partner if they are lying to you can hurt their ego. There may be times when you feel like there is something suspicious or they are lying because, let’s face it, we are no saints so it is okay to have doubts. How you put your doubts in words matters. Be careful not to hurt their ego; try using phrases like I am having trouble believing that’ etc to not imply you don’t believe them in particular.
8.Are You Crazy?!
All of these phrases are about being clever with your words like this one. When you are disgusted, do not attack their integrity and self-respect by boldly exclaiming. You are just like your mother and You are so stupid kind of phrases can be real deal-breakers. We all get angry and disgusted but personal attacks never help the situation.
9.You’d Do That If You Loved Me:
Of course your partner loves you, why else would they be with you? Using emotions as bait is cruel and can make them feel used. Do not bring up emotions in times of need. They love you, they do, but only when they are completely helpless do they surrender and back off a situation. Either deal with it or help yourself but do not make them question their love for you.
10.I Will Leave You:
Straight up threatening them in critical situations is the worst way you can screw up your relationship . In the heat of the moment, it might sound like just a comeback but it will later make them realize that you are ready to leave, that you are unaffected by whatever goes on in the relationship. Whatever you do, do not talk about burning the ships down; the weight of the phrase can cause the ships to drown once and for all.
Enock Mugabi aka Eye Witness is a Journalist, Seasoned Writer and Music Analyst with a passion for sports.
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