Finding out that your boyfriend or girlfriend has cheated on you can be devastating. You might sweat plasma, feel hurt, angry, sad, or even physically sick. But above all, you might be wondering “Why?”
Let me open with an assumption: If you’re reading the first few sentences of this article, chances are that you’ve stumbled upon it during a difficult period in your life.
Been cheated on? Turns out it really might be about them, not you. Do you think that people who are happy in their relationships can cheat? Apparently so.
The general thinking about why people cheat on a hot, loving and committed relationship partner is that there is a problem with either the cheater or the relationship. Often, we assume that cheaters have a pathology, some unresolved trauma or dysfunction, or at best a form of emotional immaturity, that pushes them into straying or cheating.
What research shows is that cheating is often a symptom of a flawed personality or relationship, but not always. Some people are reasonably emotionally healthy and in a wonderful bonking relationship, and they still choose to cheat. And this is true for both guys and babes.
Below I share four reasons I came across why even people who are happy in their relationships can enjoy side-dishing…
The Allure of Lives Not Lived
Here, instead of transgression, it’s missed opportunities that draw cheaters in. They think about the one that got away, or the one that never was, or the life they could have had if only . . . This may cause them to feel limited and fenced in by the life and relationship they’ve chosen — regardless of how much they enjoy that life and relationship. So, they indulge their curiosity. They use extracurricular romp to see who they might have been if they’d opted for a different path. Again, this is a form of self-exploration, where cheating introduces the individual to the stranger within.
Nature of going against the ‘law‘
Sometimes happy people who cheat say they feel like a teenager when they’re sneaking around and having stolen moments. It’s exciting and forbidden, and they get a kick out of breaking the rules. It’s like a 5-year-old sneaking a cookie that his mother said he couldn’t have. The forbidden cookie just tastes extra sweet. As an adult, side-dishing can feel like more of the same.
Searching for a new sense of self is likely the most powerful of these reasons
For these cheaters, side-dishing is an exploration of never experienced or long-repressed parts of the self. It is freedom from who they have been and currently are.
Interestingly, they usually don’t want to change who they are; they simply want to escape those constraints for a short while — to feel young again, to explore and grow and experience life. When these individuals cheat, they’re not looking for another person, they’re looking for themselves.
Lastly, happy people who cheat may do so to experience new or exiled emotions
Again, this is a form of self-exploration. Dudes can be especially vulnerable to this, as they are often told, as they grow up, to repress and not express their emotions. Over time, they learn to “cowboy up” and not feel. Unfortunately, doing so they often stifle joy as well as sorrow, pleasure as well as pain. For these grandsons and daughters of Adam and Eve, cheating is more of an emotional release than a sexual release. And once again, these cheaters are exploring their inner self.
Enock Mugabi aka Eye Witness is a Journalist, Seasoned Writer and Music Analyst with a passion for sports.
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